Tag Archives: philosophy

My New Years Resolution

I don’t usually make a list about the things I should do or the things I want to change about myself for the new year. It doesn’t make sense why I need an entire year to change. Why wait? Why not just do it now. The new year won’t change until I do. But maybe it’s easier to keep track with a new beginning and a numbered list. Might as well give it a try.

So here it goes….

1) STOP seeking people’s approval. Just stop it. You did not fight a million sperms, push through a hole, survive, just to hear people tell you what you should and shouldn’t do. You weren’t born to please people, then why put in the effort. Learn to live for yourself.

2) Self- love does not mean being selfish. It’s okay to take time for yourself. It’s okay to think for yourself. It’s okay to speak up for yourself. It’s okay to be you.

3) Stop sugar coating things. Say things the way they are. You aren’t responsible for people and their actions. You’re responsible for yourself. Be honest and truthful.

4) Stop being scared of living. Why do you keep letting fear control you. Darling you’re brave and that’s all that matters. It takes guts to survive and be kind in a cruel world.

5) Be more open. Say what’s on your mind. Spit it out. No point of keeping all this poison inside of you. It’ll only build up and cause more damage.

6) You’re beautiful inside out. Be natural. Be you. There’s a reason why no one has your finger prints. You were born unique, then why choose to be someone else.

7) Your choices are yours to make. Stop being manipulated by others. You know what’s good for you, then why let someone else have the say. Darling believe in yourself as much as the sun believes in its shine.

8) It’s okay to make a mistake. You learn from falling, my love. If you’re too scared to trip how will you see the beauty of life. Making a mistake means you’re on the right path. Don’t steer away from your journey just because you didn’t win a trophy.  Who knows maybe the sky is waiting to kneel down for you.

9) You don’t have to be perfect. Remember you can’t be perfect and human at the same time. And it’s okay to be human. It’s okay to not know how to do certain things. It doesn’t make you any lesser of a person.

10) Stop comparing yourself to other people. Love, you have your own chapters to write. Your own book to fill than why are you so focused on someone else’s story. Pay attention to your own road, to your own journey. You will never see the hidden gems in your path way if your gaze is focused on someone else’s.

11) Oh lose weight, eat healthy,  and get toned.

Am I yours?

I am the taunts of failure
the echoes of death
I am the breaking of hope
the words of a last breath
I am the cruelty of fate
the loss of a friend
I am the road untaken
the path to an end
I am the days of despair
the empty droughts of a desert
I am the bird without wings
the loneliness of hurt
I am the sad farewell
the sorrow in goodbye
I am the pain of a wound
the salt in tearing eyes
I am the ruins of a canvas
the sound of fading colors
I am the wreckage of storms
the parting of old lovers
I am the closing of doors
the breaking of dreams
I am the silence of helplessness
I am the wails of grief
I am everything unpleasant
everything disliked
I am poison
venom
I am the uncured
but however I am
Just promise me
I’m yours.

I’m not mine, but can I be yours?
Poetry from: Curing My Venom 

 

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon from Pexels

 

 

Political games

Let’s wrap ourselves
in these political games
Let’s call it propaganda
and throw out blames
Let’s kill more people
and say it was a mistake
Let’s celebrate the spilling of blood
with coffee and cake.

Let’s take selfies
and watch little kids die
Let’s pray for forgiveness
while we burn you alive
Let’s divide ourselves
in these small little nations
Let’s believe in God
but slaughter his creation.

TIMES UP
Now pick up your bodies
and get out of our land
Just a peaceful message
hope you understand.

Sometimes the monsters we’re trying to kill are residing inside of us. We fear weapons of mass destruction will fall into the wrong hands, but how clean are ours? We act like we’re saints while the rest of the world is filled with sinners. I wrote my first book “The City of Saints,” to show that humans will find whatever excuse they can to start a war. It could be religion, ethnicity, skin color and in this case eye color. The protagonist of my book is a ten-year-old girl, Nuha Edel, whose trapped in a war her elders have started. She’s naive, witty and smart, but innocent. I wrote the book to show that history always repeats itself. The place, time and people are different but the events taking place are the same.

The robots in my book represent the oppressors, and how they’re exactly like us, but we see them differently because that’s what we’re taught. The robots or cyborgs are programmed to kill, but humanity gets the better of them. SAM (Specialized Assassin Military-bot) says, “I have a mind of my own, but I am not allowed to think.” It’s the concept of the “OTHER” and “FRIEND AND ENEMY”. Just because someone disagrees with you they’re considered you’re enemy. Just because someone is different they’re portrayed as evil and vile.

“We fear weapons of mass destruction will fall into the wrong hands, but how clean are ours.” Why do we see others as a threat when we’re no less of a threat either? If we all want peace, then why are we fighting. Maybe because we all have our own versions of peace. Maybe because my version of peace does not align with yours. Maybe we need a common ground.

I wrote “The City of Saints,” as a way to show that history always repeats itself; the people, time, place, and events would be different, but the end result would be the same because we as humans refuse to change. We’re all quick to play the blame game, but we refuse to take responsibility. Why? Why are we like this?

Eleven harsh lessons I’ve learned through life

Ten harsh lessons I’ve learned through life

  1. Sometimes the people that are supposed to pick you up will be the reason for your fall. They’ll walk over you and then blame you for crashing.
  2. People will take advantage of your kindness. They’ll strip you of everything because they want to cover themselves up.
  3. People who mean the world to you, will choose the world over you.
  4. The world will be on your side as long as you’re winning
  5. Just because you’re a kind person that does not mean that everyone else will be kind to you. The world won’t reciprocate the same attitude you put into it.
  6. Having morals and being ethical will sometimes break you to the point where you’ll lose your faith in everything.
  7. Being righteous and just will sometimes be the reason for your failure. Taking the right route will lead you to the wrong destination.
  8. Desperate times create desperate people, who are broken and tend to break others, so they could feel whole.
  9. Sometimes you can work hard and smart, but you will still fail because luck (destiny, God, life) wasn’t in your favor
  10. Life has favorites. It picks and chooses who to destroy and who to create. You’re an experiment.
  11. “God does not play dice.” Everything happens for a reason, but how you react to these events depends on you.

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Failing Physics

It just seems like one of those awfully, odd days where you want to go and hide under a rock. But the only problem is that you can’t find a rock big enough to hide you. You feel exposed like everyone is seeing into your soul.

Interacting with anyone of any species seems like a burden. You feel like you’re in a zoo, and everyone else is human and you’re the only animal. No matter how hard you try you can’t disguise yourself. You’re scared that they’ll find out that you’re the only normal one.

I’m standing in front of the chemistry department in the huge line. The Asian girl with glasses in the front asks me how I did on the physics exam. I blankly stare at her.

Do I even know you? The thought passes my mind. She flashes me a smile, and I unconsciously do the same.

“Amazing” I lie to her. Twenty-four out of a hundred. I think my professor pitied me, so he gave me a whopping 20 points. Maybe he was too ashamed to give me a four. The exam wasn’t hard. I just blanked out. The sentences on the paper weren’t making sense to me. It was like all the letters were jumbled together and they were dancing on the paper. I tried to focus, but my eyes refused to reconcile with my brain. My hands were shaking, and I was trying so hard to concentrate, but the anxiety bubbling inside of me was spilling through my limbs. The walls were starting to close in on me, and I needed to leave the room and that’s exactly what I did. I wrote whatever popped into my mind on that exam paper and ran out of the class as fast as I could.

She looks at me in awe and smiles. “How do you study”? Her voice is cracking. I have the strong urge where I want to hug her and cry into her arms.

We’re both on the same boat girl.

“I got above average.” she sighs. Above average, you’re kidding me right. My sympathy for her vanishes, and I have that strong urge where I want to hang her. I could easily blame it on gravity-It pulled her down. She asks me more questions, and I answer them like a school child being scolded by a strict teacher. When she turns around I slip away from the huge line and run for the library. The b-2 floor. It’s stranded and empty. It’s the perfect place to plan a murder, or even to carry out one.

I slip in between the shelves, in the back and make myself as small as possible.

There’s still the final. The thought is comforting, but it doesn’t linger long enough. I find myself thinking about dropping out.

But it’s not the end of the world.

Well, maybe it is.

But you studied so hard and you knew all the answers then why didn’t you answer them?

Because you’re an idiot.

The thoughts are starting to haunt me, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to jam them back in my mind. I’m scared the pulsing headache will come back with shit loads of anxiety. I’m scared I’ll have a panic attack and go into my leave-me-alone mode.

So, I whip out my notebook with the doodles on the cover, and I write whatever comes to my mind. Poems, short stories, and every thought that is hovering in my head.

I’m late for my biochem class, but it doesn’t matter.

You’ll fail biochem too. The thought pops into my mind, but I force it back inside, where all my other pessimistic thoughts are gathered. Sometimes these thoughts find a small passage and they flow through, but I have to fight them, to keep them locked up inside. Most of my energy is wasted here- in these battles I’m fighting in my head. How possibly can I focus on anything else when my mind is a battlefield, and I’m fighting the girl looking back at me through the mirror.

But there’s hope. There is always hope. There has to be. Sometimes my hope vanishes beneath these taunting thoughts, but it always finds a way to the surface. It always rises, and I rise with it.

I can do this. How? I don’t know. But I can, and I will. The greatest victories start with will. Don’t they?

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