Tag Archives: mental illnes

Monster Monster in the Mirror…

Break down your façades
your masks are slithering off
enough with all these covers
show me who you are.

Why are you running away from me?
Where will you hide?
Tell me what I need to know
I’m sick of all your lies.

Release me from yourself
I am no longer yours to keep
your form is changing again
you savage, ferocious beast.

Foolish girl.
Impatient child.

I am another image of you
trapped behind this glass prison
before pointing your fingers at me
remove the dirt from your vision.

You’re living in deception
there’s so much you don’t see
you’re the one who’s hiding
confiding yourself in me.

Why don’t you look a little closer?
and you will see it too
I am nothing but your reflection
shying away from you.

You’re transforming, look at yourself
and you will see it clearer
the monster you’re attacking
is showing you the mirror.

You’re not a beauty
darkness is smothered on your face
there’s venom in your touch
you’re nothing but a disgrace.

Cover your eyes, go ahead, block me
but there’s nothing you can do
how many layers will you wear?
I’m the monster hiding in you.

Monster Monster in the mirror

You can read and download my poetry and Sci-fi book for free for a limited time
Sci-fi book: The City of Saints
Poetry Book: Curing My Venom

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A failure’s plea

Keep your lips sealed
and please don’t look away
just listen to my voice
there’s something I have to say
maybe a couple of words
locked behind this fear
that if I break my silence
you won’t be able to hear
and yet again I choke
with words as loud as screams
hoping you would listen
to all those words I speak
so consume all this silence
and slowly nod your head
just pretend you were listening
to all the words I said
they might not make sense
and it’s hard for me to explain
but promise me you’ll listen
to all the things I’ve held in vain
tell me that you’ll hide me
and in you I can confide
because I’ve lost that war
the one you wanted me to fight
I’ve failed to rise higher
from where you thought I’d start
I’m sorry that I’ve let you down
I’m sorry that I’ve lost
please don’t look away, Mom and Dad
look into my eyes
tell me that you’ll forgive me
because I’ve failed to rise
I know I broke those dreams
the ones you helped me see
please don’t let me lose that hope
the one you burned in me
you’ve worked day and night
because I know you’ve done a lot
but promise me you’ll help me fight
even though I’ve lost this war
help me wipe off this dirt
and help me clean my wounds
tell me you’ll be there for me
so I could rise from this ground
I’m trying to get up again
but I need your help
don’t lose your faith in me
I’m sinking in myself
I was afraid of being a failure
even though I promise I tried
I was scared to hurt you
so I kept the words inside
tell me that you’ll accept my choice
and that I am not alone
let me conquer all those dreams
the ones you had shown
I know I’ve done many wrongs
but please don’t push me away
hold me close to yourself
and tell me everything will be okay
I know you can’t hold my hand
or carry me in your arms
but you can give me all your blessings
and hope to carry on.

A failure’s plea

Poetry book: Curing My Venom

Pexels image

 

Imperfections

Because
I am trying so hard
to understand
why I am the way I am
but I promise
if I could be someone else
I wouldn’t think twice
if it were that easy
then, like a coat
I would wear someone else’s skin
but sometimes, I wonder
beneath these layers
of all those things
I wish I could be
would someone ever
crave to be me?

Imperfect

Poetry book: Curing My Venom

I wrote that poem because of all my insecurities. People tell me I’m beautiful, but the girl staring back at me through the mirror says otherwise. She doesn’t ever see any of my victories. All she does is remind me of my flaws and failures. All she does is compare me to everyone else around me, and I find myself hating that girl even more.

I’m too fat, too thick, too much of this, too much of that. It toys with my confidence. It messes with my mind, and I find myself wondering what other people might be doing. Do they feel the same way? But everyone else seems so satisfied. So happy, then why aren’t I. Why do I feel this way? Is there something wrong with me? Sometimes I feel like if I had a choice, I would choose to be anyone but me. And if everyone knew the anguish I go through every day, I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t ever want to be me.

If I could…

I would take a knife and slice away my skin and carve myself into something different…

I promise I wouldn’t hesitate….

Photo by Markus Spiske temporausch.com from Pexels

Stop over-thinking

You don’t want to climb the mountains
but you want to kiss the peaks
you’re aiming for the islands
but you’re scared of the sea.

You want to reach the horizon
but you’re fearful of the sky
you’re falling to your insecurities
because you’re too scared to fly.

You don’t know what lies ahead
and you’re afraid of all this load
you want to carry your dreams
but you can’t see the road.

You want to find diamonds
but you won’t look around
you want to plant your victories
but you won’t touch the ground.

You want to win the marathon
but you refuse to run
you want to embrace the light
but you’re afraid of the sun.

You want to see the rainbow
but you don’t like the rain
you want to be strong
but you can’t stand the pain.

You’re dreaming day and night
but you’re still asleep
you want to win so badly
but you aren’t taking that leap.

Love,
you won’t get anywhere
if you stand still like a stone
it’s about time
you come out of your comfort zone.
Yes…
you will fail
and fall
and crash
and burn
but that’s alright
because now it’s your turn
don’t be afraid of a little bruise
how will you ever caress victory
if you’re afraid to lose
today may not make sense
but it all adds up to you
this is all a part of life
so stop over-thinking
and do what you have to do

Photo by Guduru Ajay bhargav from Pexels

Self-inflicted war

The most damaging wars are the ones we fight with ourselves. When our mind transforms into a battlefield and our heart becomes a no-go zone. It’s like we’re torn between shooting emotions, bombarded with sentiments. We’re ripped between reasons, opinions, and facts. And that is the moment where we lose all sense of what is right and what is wrong. It is in that little time space where either everything makes perfect sense or the things that did make sense become undecipherable. We become so captivated in our own thoughts that everything happening just seems like a blur. In that instance what should we trust- our instincts, gut, heart or that tiny slit in our brain magnifying every possible threat there is to existence.

But why is it that this war we’re fighting is leading us nowhere?
Why is it so hard to understand that this self-damage is incurable? 

Maybe because we’re already destroyed, that no damage can cause us more pain then what we’ve been through. Like we’re about to explode. These are the types of sparks that cause flames within. But in that case, which fire should we put out first. The one inside of us or the one outside.

Wars are never easy to fight. Because they sketch their marks all over. Whether they’re fought on land or inside our head. But
I guess we’re all soldiers placed in different battlefields with different weapons.

The worst part is that I’m unprepared for this war and I’m scared. If I don’t have an enemy then why does everything around me feel like a threat? I have no weapons yet here I am fighting with my bare hands.

Will I win?
Do I deserve to win?
Why does failing feel like a better option? Maybe because I’m afraid to rise. I’m afraid of whatever awaits on the other end of the battlefield. What if it’s a bigger storm, a bigger war, a bigger threat?

But just because you didn’t win doesn’t mean you lost. Why can’t you just be in the middle? Establish a cease-fire and maybe stay there. I’m not saying that losing is good but why does it have to be so bad.

Sometimes threat does not come to me holding a sword. She comes to me with a pretty smile, draped in poisonous flowers that smell like Eden. She comes to me holding a mirror, and the threat I see looks exactly like me. And that is the moment where I don’t know what to do. Attack myself? Or wait for her to attack me? Either way the outcome will leave me damaged and there is nothing I can do.

It’s like I have no choice. Is the war worth fighting? Is it better to be safe and lose; or win and be completely broken? Why does victory have to come dressed in blood? Why can’t it shine like the first light of day?