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Parenting done right

Why don’t parents understand that in their desires for their kids to be something great, they’re ruining them? That in their wants, their children are getting trampled and damaged.

I’ve seen too many children sacrifice their mental health just for the sake of their parents. I’ve seen friends cry on school staircases because they felt like disappointments. I’ve had so many friends cry on my shoulders because I was the only form of comfort they had. What I didn’t understand was why did I have to be someone else’s comfort when I myself was a volcano waiting to erupt.

I don’t understand what is the point of sacrificing one’s very existence to give life to someone else. Isn’t that mental suicide. Why ruin your life just to make sure someone else is satisfied?

It’s like you’re willing to give up your freedom just because you’re scared of a war, which will erupt regardless of the appeasement. The British did that with Adolf Hitler. They gave him what he wanted, and he still opted for more. Sometimes some things are just inevitable. You cannot stall certain things just because you want them to stop. You can avoid a war for as long as you like, but one day it will consume you. So, might as well pick up your sword and charge.

Maybe when you don’t have a choice, you tend to choose between wars that will cause the least amount of damage and in this case, the self-damage that is caused has lesser destruction compared to the outer war.

It’s better and easier to keep everything inside, nod your head, and smile than to explain the destruction and eruptions going on inside.

But my point is parents need to understand that their children aren’t made of clay. They can’t just alter their children the way they want them to. They’ll ruin the beauty that nature has bestowed upon them.

It’s like forcing a plant to grow in a certain way, with certain nutrients, under certain circumstances, like an experiment and then complaining that the plant is ruined. You can’t force an apple tree to grow into a mango tree and you can’t force a mango tree to give lemons.

Every child is special and instead of altering these children, it’s time to accept them for who they are.

Einstein once said, “Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

Everyone is a genius in their own unique way. There’s no point of forcing uniqueness into people, you’ll only damage them. Let things take their own course. Let people grow on their own. Let them mend with their own antidotes. Let them search for their own cures. Let them heal however they can. Just be supportive. Don’t push your children away because they aren’t what you wanted them to be. Teach your kids to be courageous but kind. Strong but courteous. Let them grow without expectations. Cherish them so they could cherish existence. It’s hard to break the cycle, but a little effort can save generations.

Photo by O1234567890 from Pexels

Giving into failure…

Do you ever become so tired of fighting that you willingly give into failure? You stab yourself in the back so no one else would have the chance to do it. You fall to your knees, clench your teeth as tightly as you can and scream until your own voice gives up on you and then you give up on yourself.

It’s like you accept failure even before you try. You give into defeat even before you start the war. You lower your weapons and your guard and wait for that blow and when it hits, it knocks the breath out of you. You become so helpless that no matter how hard you try, you can’t seem to rise. It’s like the ground has wrapped its arms around you and is pulling you down (and in this case, it’s definitely not gravity).

Why do we do this? Why do we let doubt cloud our judgments? Why do we accept defeat when the outcomes are infinite? Maybe because the thought of losing is worse than the actual loss. Maybe because it’s better to be prepared for the worse; it hurts less. Maybe we’re actually scared of winning, scared of not knowing what will happen. Maybe it’s the unknown that hurts. If we knew and we were a hundred percent sure that we would lose, it wouldn’t cause too much damage. But not knowing and having that tiny glint of hope is what makes us ache at the end.

But the thing no one has ever told me is that fighting isn’t always about winning. It’s about falling, crashing, bleeding and then rising and reforming. The bravest warriors don’t come out of war wearing a crown and a silk cloak. They come out in pieces. In ruins. In wrecks with tears spilling down their cheeks. They come out with wounds as big as the sky and cuts as deep as the ocean.

They’re torn and broken, but they manage to keep themselves together. These warriors don’t always win every war, but they make every war count. They learn from their fall and pick themselves up no matter how badly injured they are. They strike and plunge. Hit and ache, but they don’t give up. They find new ways. New paths. New strategies. They learn from defeat and fight until they have no option than to rise.

This is how life is. You won’t always win. You won’t always get your way. You’ll fall, just as you will rise. You’ll drown but that’s the only way you’ll learn how to float. It’s hard. I know. But the next time life drags you down and threatens you with all of its pawns. Smile. Look it in the eye and say, “bring it on.”

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon from Pexels

Random facts about me…

I was born in Pakistan, and I came to the US when I was 4 years old. It’s been a back and forth journey ever since.

The fastest I’ve solved a Rubix cube is thirty seconds.

I’m learning how to play the guitar (and so far, I’ve mastered twinkle-twinkle little star).

I’m learning how to be ambidextrous. Yes, I can write with both hands… well kinda.

I usually don’t order food, because I like eating what other people order.

I have a bad habit of half-ing food. Meaning if I buy something I’ll only eat half, no matter how hungry I am.

I have claustrophobia and agoraphobia.

I dislike wearing makeup. I feel like I’m wearing a mask and hiding myself.

I hate wearing shoes. I like walking barefoot because I feel like I’m closer to Mother Earth.

I can daydream for hours and hours, and I would never get bored- that’s why I’m messed up in the head.

I love lying down on the grass and gazing up at the sky.

I love flowers, but I hate plucking them because I feel like they look beautiful when rooted to the ground.

I love the rain, even if it’s cold. I love the way the drops touch my skin and bounce off. (That’s why I never carry an umbrella and end up getting sick).

I’m scared of animals (and occasionally humans).

I love reading and writing. My phone is filled with unfinished novels, poems, and stories that I won’t ever publish.

I’m very passive aggressive. I could be dying, and I still won’t tell you why I’m mad.

I bite my lips and the insides of my cheeks when I’m nervous. If I’m scared, I’ll practically chew off my lips.

The thing I look in someone when I meet them for the first time is the way they smile.

I get cranky and mad if I don’t sleep well.

English is my least favorite subject. History and math are my most favorite subjects. I get excited when I have to solve algebraic equations.

I dislike seafood: I hate anything that’s not fish, including shrimp and crabs.

I love walking. I could walk all the way to California from NYC.

I’m not a morning person, nor am I a night person. I’m more of an evening person.

I like peeling lemons and eating them like oranges.

I love talking to myself. The voices in my head are more appealing than most people I know.

I don’t have a favorite color.

I’m a very sporty person. I love playing cricket, volleyball, badminton and now tennis.

I wear glasses, but you’ll barely see me wearing them.

I’m very sensitive to smell.

When I was young I had so many imaginary friends (I use them as my characters now).

mee

Here’s a random picture of me when I was young…

The Ant and the kingdom

In the forest of Halacin lived a little ant who had to work hard to store food for the winter. He would leave his little sand castle built beneath the tree leaves, go out into the forest and scavenge for food, but he was always scared because he was small. He was afraid someone would unconsciously step on him. One day he saw a falcon flying in the sky and he said to himself, “I wish I was that falcon. I would never come down, and I would never be crushed beneath these Halacin animals.”

The falcon flying in the air was a soldier of the kingdom. She had to protect everyone and in case of danger, she had to warn the animals of the kingdom. She was tired of flying and she wanted to kiss the land. One day while she went on her daily round she saw the lion and said to herself, “if I was that lion I would be scary and fierce, and everyone would run away from me. I would never leave the ground.”

The lion was the most dangerous animal, and everyone feared him, but he had no friends and he wanted to be loved. He wished the animals would see him for his personality, not the rumors everyone had spread around him. One day the lion was going home, and he saw the big-grey elephant, who was surrounded by so many people. He was jealous, and he said, “I wish I was that elephant then everyone would like me.”

The elephant who was the most liked animal in the kingdom was tired of all the animals around him. He wanted to be alone. He needed time to think for himself, but the animals would surround him and never let him go. One day he saw a tiny ant carrying food on his back. The ant was so small that he disappeared somewhere beneath the leaves. The elephant gaped at the disappearing ant and said, “I wish I was that ant. I would be so small that I could easily disappear.”

Photo by Nandhu Kumar from Pexels

Faith in Humanity

Around a month ago there was a shooting in a Mosque in New Zealand, and today there was a bombing in a church, on Easter, in Sri Lanka.

I try not to look at the news it gets me overwhelmed. I don’t want to know how many people died or how many are injured. It makes me lose my faith in Humanity, and it makes me feel like a shitty person. Here I am living a comfortable life while there are people out there who are fighting just to survive. My heart goes out to all the people in Sri Lanka who’ve lost their lives or who’ve lost someone they love. This isn’t fair for them. Something like this shouldn’t have happened. Not today. Not any other day. Not to them. Not to anyone.

But it doesn’t make sense. Why would someone do such a thing? Is it the feeling of superiority? Is it mental illness? Is this a political game? Or is it someone’s desire just to see the world burn. Either way, no matter what the reason is, innocent people have lost their lives.

I still want to have faith. People still care. We’ll do whatever it takes to create a world where no one dies because of someone else’s hate or jealousy. Where we’re all accepting of one another. Where we don’t blame religion, ethnicity or color for someone’s actions, but their motives. Where the least we could do is believe that even with these stormy clouds lingering above our heads there is still hope for that ray of sunshine.

Photo by Min An from Pexels