Category Archives: Poetry

Words I won’t ever say to my dad

You tell me the world is vicious daddy
because you’ve looked it in the eye
but it’s my turn now
so won’t you let me fly.

You tell me there are storms out there
that I won’t be able to bear
but you’ve molded me with your own hands
then why do you have this fear?

How long will you keep me in the comfort of your nest?
Don’t you trust that light you planted in my chest?

You’ve carved me into this pillar
that does not know how to bow
if you want me to stay down here
then come show me how.

It was you who told me that when I rise
I shouldn’t come back down
yet you complain and tell me
that I’m better off on the ground.

The winds are too harsh
you tell me each and every day
the forests are too cruel
you whine in every way.

There are vultures out there
you tie my hands, so I wouldn’t leave
the mountains will break you
you tell me I’m naive.

You twist your words
and then you scream
convincing me
that I shouldn’t dream.

But you don’t understand
in this tight space of yours
I can’t seem to breathe.

You’ve put your strings around me
to keep me grounded to this floor
but by doing so your hurting me even more.

I know you’re pulling me down
because you don’t trust the world
but how do you not have faith in your little girl?

You’re the one who taught me
that I should laugh at every ache
because I will tear, rip but I won’t ever break.

Maybe I’m not strong, maybe I will crack
but daddy you’re the only hope I have.

I know you care,
and you don’t want to see me hurt
but how will I ever rise if I don’t kiss the dirt.

You don’t want to see me in pain
it breaks your heart
because if I ever crash it will tear you apart.

I know
the world is filled with devils
who’ll point their fingers at you if I ever tremble
but it’s through you that I’ve learned
how to make the earth rumble.

I know you’re afraid
that the demons will laugh at me and you
so teach me how to rise
so we could both make it through.

I don’t know what aches your carrying
or what scars you’re trying to hide
but why are you stopping me
from touching those skies.

You’ve held my hand
to teach me how to walk
you’ve given me your words
so I could have a voice to talk.

You’ve stayed up late nights
and spent so many restless days
you’ve toiled so much
just so I could be okay.

You’ve given up your youth
to give me this life
you’ve burned all your dreams
because you wanted me to thrive.

Since I was born you saw a dream for me
I know your ground is safe
but it’s not the sky I see

I’m chasing an empty horizon
and your scared that I’ll lose
I want to kiss the stars daddy
just once walk in my shoes.

If I crash
I know you’ll be mad
and you’ll ache all over
but if I ever fall daddy
I’ll always need your shoulder

If I shatter just promise me
you’ll pick me up
you’ll make me indestructible
so I wouldn’t ever stop.

Daddy
you’ll always be my first prince
but let me take my throne
I belong on the battlefield
not in castles made of stone.

You’re scared that I won’t be able to ride my own horse
or I won’t be able to slay my own dragons
and I know you’ll say that’s enough
but daddy
if I ever lower my head my crown will slip off.

Trust me…
I can train an army in a dress
and I can fight in heels
you haven’t taught me how to back down
but watch me make the world kneel.

For once daddy…
Instead of pulling me back
and instead of saying ‘No’
why don’t you just smile
push me
and tell me to go.

Why don’t you look at the world through my eyes
and then maybe you’ll see why
I’m so desperate to reach those skies.

So daddy…
with tears streaming down my face
I want you to hold my hand this one last time
walk with me to the horizon as I take my flight.

Poetry book: Curing My Venom

Photo by Bess Hamiti from Pexels

Imperfections

Because
I am trying so hard
to understand
why I am the way I am
but I promise
if I could be someone else
I wouldn’t think twice
if it were that easy
then, like a coat
I would wear someone else’s skin
but sometimes, I wonder
beneath these layers
of all those things
I wish I could be
would someone ever
crave to be me?

Imperfect

Poetry book: Curing My Venom

I wrote that poem because of all my insecurities. People tell me I’m beautiful, but the girl staring back at me through the mirror says otherwise. She doesn’t ever see any of my victories. All she does is remind me of my flaws and failures. All she does is compare me to everyone else around me, and I find myself hating that girl even more.

I’m too fat, too thick, too much of this, too much of that. It toys with my confidence. It messes with my mind, and I find myself wondering what other people might be doing. Do they feel the same way? But everyone else seems so satisfied. So happy, then why aren’t I. Why do I feel this way? Is there something wrong with me? Sometimes I feel like if I had a choice, I would choose to be anyone but me. And if everyone knew the anguish I go through every day, I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t ever want to be me.

If I could…

I would take a knife and slice away my skin and carve myself into something different…

I promise I wouldn’t hesitate….

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Bargaining with loved ones

If I am ever broken
and I am unable to walk
will you carry me in your arms
and tell me I am strong?

If I am ever broken
and I am unable to fly
will you raise the ground
or will you bring down the sky?

If I am ever broken
and I am unable to see
will you be my image
or will you leave me to be?

If I am ever broken
and the world is laughing at my despair
will you be my wings
and take me away from here?

If I am ever broken
and people are toying with my heart
will you be my glue
and stop me from tearing apart?

If I am ever broken
and I am unable to speak
will you be my lips
and help me heal?

What if I’m not broken
but I need you by my side
will you walk with me
or will you leave me behind?

What if I am okay
but I still need your hand
will you give me courage
or will you leave me as I am?

What if I just need you
without any reason
but I’m scared to admit
will you walk away
or
will you stay for a bit?

Cover picture from Pixel

Poem from ‘Curing My Venom

I’m drowning

Sometimes I get scared
and I don’t know why
but I want you to embrace me
and tell me it’s alright.

Because I trust you
more than I believe in myself
maybe because you become an anchor
when I’m crying for help.

Just don’t ever let me go
or the pieces joining me will shatter
tell me I am important
because I feel like I don’t matter.

I need you to praise me
and tell me what I am worth
because my mind is in chaos
and I feel like a curse.

Please don’t say anything
that will bring me down
because in this cruel sea
you’re the reason I haven’t yet drowned.

I’m not drowning. I think?

Poetry book: Curing My Venom
Read it for free on booksprout (limited time)

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A war between hope and despair

I opened my mouth, but I couldn’t speak.
“I understand,” she said kissing my cheek. “You don’t have to say a word. I know what is going on inside of you. The demons are stronger and they’re breaking through. You’re cracking because you’re losing your faith, but the sky is rumbling it’s calling your name. I know you’re afraid because you don’t know how to fly. Those voices in your head are making you cry. You’re breaking; I can see it through your chest. That organ pumping blood in your body won’t let you rest. I can feel the beat echo through my ears. You want to speak, but you’re afraid no one will hear. It’s getting dark inside; I can see your heart. You’re aching, your soul is ripping apart.”

She gently came and wrapped me in a warm cocoon. “Just swallow these pills, everything will be okay soon. You want to meet God and ask about all this. Death will be gentle, he’ll just give you a kiss. Everything will be over. You won’t have to fight. At the end of the tunnel, you’ll see a ray of light. No more panic attacks, no more fears. No more anxiety. No more tears. It’ll be over, and you won’t have to play pretend. It’s okay my love, everything will come to an end.”

I looked at her beautiful face, and then at those pills, she clenched in her fist. I didn’t want to die, but I was afraid to live. I had nothing to lose and nothing to give. I was dead inside, but my heart was still beating. I was losing and falling what was the point of breathing. Everything in life was a burden, what was the point of dying every day. Wouldn’t it be better to end it all today?

I extended my hand as I wrapped those pills in between my sleeves. I was tired of hoping. I was tired of those dreams. Maybe she was right, life would be better if I wasn’t even alive. I was tired of falling and sinking so low. If I was gone, no one would notice and maybe no one would know.

“No,” Hope said with a tattered voice as he stood in front of me blocking my view. “I know your hurting, but you have to pull through. This is your life and it’s your choice. Love how can you give up so easily when the war has just begun. You’re pulling your curtains just because you can’t see the sun. The clouds are heavy, I can feel the thunder. But you are a warrior and warriors don’t surrender. The ground is bleeding, and I can sense the blood. But darling how will you taste victory if you can’t embrace the mud. Things are hard, and they will get harder, but you mustn’t back down. If you leave the battlefield, you’ll lose your crown.

“But I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of bleeding. I’m tired of everything. I can’t take it anymore. I’ve lost all my battles and now I’m losing this war. I quit. I’m sinking to my knees. Go give hope to someone stronger and better than me. You don’t understand. These demons in my head won’t leave me alone. They’ve carved their way and now they’re making a home. These thoughts I’m running away from, say things would be better if I was gone. I don’t see my road or any reason to carry on. Look…others are better off than me. They’re climbing mountains while I can’t even stand on my feet. I’m sinking in this ground and I can’t seem to ascend. No matter what road I choose it brings me to a dead end. I don’t even know what I’m fighting for. I quit. I can’t do this anymore.

Hope gently knelt by my side. He lifted my head and said, “I know there are explosions erupting inside. I know you’re scared, and you’re afraid to fall. But you can’t rise if you don’t learn how to crawl. I know giving up seems easy because you can’t take the ache, but how will you reform if you don’t break? Without all this dirt on your skin, how will your journey ever begin? The dark clouds looming above your head will part someday and you’ll see the blue sky. Keep holding on. I promise you’ll get by. I know all you see is darkness, and the road ahead is filled with thorns. Your destination looks empty and your bridges are torn. You can’t open your windows, and there is a seal on your door. I know you can’t walk; your legs are sore. But you must try again and again; knock on every wall, whenever you can. So darling, throw those pills away, you’ve clenched so tight. If you want to see the sun, you’ll have to pass through this night. If you want to win this war, you’ll have to keep your head held up high. So darling, pick yourself up because no one will come and do it for you. If you had the courage to fight, then you should have the courage to pull through. Don’t you dare let those thoughts crawl into your mind? There will always be hope, just look inside.

Poetry book out now- Curing My Venom

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