Category Archives: Blog

The sky will kneel for you

I know you’re not traveling
on the road you wanted to take
and I know you’re very scared
but I need you to be brave.

Maybe this new journey has to tell you
what you’re fighting for
maybe it has to show you
that you’re worth so much more.

Don’t ever feel guilty
of how things were supposed to be
you have so much to learn
so embrace this new journey.

I know it’s not easy
because your victory is high
but why are you complaining
when you were born to be the sky?

The sky will kneel for you
Poetry book, “Curing My Venom

When anxiety changes into depression

Anxiety is that odd feeling that grabs you by the throat and suffocates you to the point where you wheeze for air. No matter how hard you inhale you can’t seem to get anything inside of your lungs. It’s a feeling that constantly makes you worry. It nibbles on your insecurities and makes you lose your mind. You become tired and restless and your heart starts thrashing in your ribcage and you start sweating like crazy. All the energy you had in your body leaves you, making you feel so tired that you can’t even move. A deep slicing headache takes a hold of you. The pain is so bad that you’re willing to swallow as many pills as you can to make it go away.

The anxiety slowly leaves, and depression fills the void. Everything that once held meaning loses its purpose. Faith that once kept you in one peace starts to suffocate you, making you run around, gasping for air. You sit in one place like a statue staring into space because the wars in your mind are damaging you. You can’t fight the world because you’re losing a war with yourself. You lose faith and then slowly you lose every part of you that makes you human. All you want to do is lie down, curl into a ball, cover yourself and sleep. But even sleep gives up on you and you lay awake, trying to hold onto whatever excuse you can find to keep going.

Things that once made you happy, don’t bring a smile to your face anymore. Even the simplest tasks, like making breakfast seem like a burden. Getting out of bed seems useless.

Thoughts roam around in your mind, making you question the validity of your existence. You lose hope and at that moment everything just seems useless. That soft voice telling you to end it all takes over and you find yourself smiling to that thought. It brings an odd comfort.

Depression or anxiety is not easy to deal with. It’s like you’re drowning in an ocean and everyone else is drowning with you, but they can breathe, and you can’t. It’s like everything is on fire and no one seems hurt but you. It’s like everyone else is living in a parallel universe and no matter what you do, you can’t seem to escape.

Everyone has their way of dealing with anxiety. I write. I wrote a freaking poetry book to deal with my mental health. Curing my Venom. It’s based on the five stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. But no matter what stage I’m on, I can’t seem to move on to acceptance. I always get dragged back. I don’t know what’s holding me, but I do know I have chains as thick as iron grasping my arms. And I’m suffocating.

Be gentle with people who have anxiety and depression or any other mental illness. They’re too busy fighting the demons in their minds that they can’t seem to fight you. Give them assurance. Constant assurance that things will be okay because sometimes the demons in their mind are so loud that they can’t hear you over the ruckus in their brain.

Why you held on for so long…

I’m doubting myself again
and I don’t know what to do
do I give up or do I pull myself through?

But the days are getting darker
and I don’t see the light
what’s the point of this crusade
when I can’t even fight?

The journey seems too long
and the mountains are too high
I’m sinking to the ground
yet I’m aiming for the sky.

I have wounds as thick as oceans
and bruises as dark as coal
how do I move ahead
when I don’t know where to go.

I don’t have a shield
or a cover above my head
I’m breathing and wheezing
but something in me is dead.

Don’t give up. Not now not ever.
remember why you held on for so long
doubt will only break you
but my love, I know you’re very strong.

Your wounds may be many
and you may be feeling down
but why are you afraid of falling
when you’ve risen from the ground.

Take a break
inhale. Victory is yours to kiss
I believe in you
I know you can do this.

Poetry book: Curing My Venom

Immigrants are animals!

Immigrants are animals!

Okay!

Thank you for that Mr. Trump but can you be a little more specific, like what type of animals? I prefer being a tiger, or maybe a falcon. An eagle will do. Just out of curiosity what type of immigrant is your wife?

Oh, wait you meant illegal immigrants.

 Okay!

Interesting. Can you please describe how legally your ancestors came into this land? Yeah probably knocked on people’s huts and asked to enter. Or perhaps they sent birds over the Atlantic Ocean, indicating that they were coming on huge ships with glitter and other sparkly happy things. Yeah, that makes more sense.

“They’re bringing in drugs,” yeah please do tell me more. Is the CIA also considered Mexican, since they’ve bought in drugs as well? (Not my words- read this).

“I think Islam hates us,” first of all yes. Yes! We do- but I can’t speak on behalf of the 1.8 billion Muslims. Second of all, I think as Americans everyone hates us.

“The U.K. has a massive Muslim problem.” Hmm how about we built concentration camps, and throw them all in there. Maybe gas them, oh wait we’re already doing that. How about throwing them into ships, tying them to shackles and taking them to another island where they can be slaves, oh wait that’s done too. How about killing them- no that’s done too.

How about sending them to space that’ll solve, “the Muslim problem and the Mexican problem,” because these issues are a threat to the world. Mexicans, Muslims, blacks and any other minorities. An international crisis.

 Yes! President Trump, you are absolutely right, my beef samosas and my Mexican friends’ empanadas will kill you because they’re so damn delicious. But just out of curiosity have you ever tried tacos. How about Briyani?

Okay! Since this issue is solved can we now focus on the less important issues like education, health care, gun control, black lives matter, the Palestine crises, nuclear warfare? Syria. Global warming. Basic human rights and actual immigration that doesn’t involve race and religion.

Maybe if we stopped arguing, fighting and playing the blame game, the world would be a much better place.

Photo by Public Domain Photography from Pexels

Being Anti-social

I’m anti-social. Sometimes. Depending on the people and the circumstance and the time and space and the atmosphere.

I’m semi anti-social or partial anti-social. Or maybe 3/4th anti-social. Or maybe 1/4th anti-social. But the point is that I’m anti-social regardless of how non-anti-social I want to be.

I get nervous around people I’m not used to. Unconsciously, I sink into that dark part of my brain that I dread going into because I drown in questions. Like why do you have that scar on your arm? Were you abused? Did you self-harm? Was it an accident? Why do you have that dark look in your eyes? Do you worship the devil? Does the devil worship you? It’s like I want to know everything about everyone. Maybe because it gives me a clear perspective of where I stand. Am I comparing myself to them? Maybe? Or maybe like Einstein, I’m generally curious about everything and everyone. Like why is chlorophyll green? Why are all the other colors absorbed but green reflected? Why freaking Green? Why not purple? Can we time travel if we travel at the speed of light? What is light? Is it just the absence of darkness? 

Got side-tracked: but when I meet new people or old people I’m not used to, I start observing them like test subjects. Experiment vs control- Where I am the control and everyone else is the experiment.  I notice their actions, the way they speak, the way they interact, the way they smile. I don’t know why I do this. Maybe because in my mind I see everyone as a threat and observing them makes the threat lessen. I honestly don’t know why this happens? It’s like my mind goes into this frenzy and then there’s chaos. Maybe there is some deep unconscious trauma that I can’t pinpoint. Maybe I just overthink which ends up making everything worse for myself.

Some people I meet are the kindest ever, yet I go into this mode. And the worst part is people think I’m creepy because I stare at them way too long or they think I’m showing superiority or attitude when honestly all I’m trying to do is make myself approachable and social.

Picture from pexels