Anxiety is a joke.
If there is one thing, I hate talking about the most in this world that’s anxiety. Talking about anxiety gives me anxiety. Sometimes it bubbles inside and morphs into depression. Both are equally terrifying. I’d rather stare at a wall for hours then tell someone what’s going on in my head. It’s like a war zone in there.
I would prefer explaining quantum mechanics to a middle schooler than explaining anxiety to an adult. Yes, I know it’s in my head, and I swear if I could take a tweezer and yank it out of my brain I wouldn’t think twice. But sadly, that’s not something I can do.
This is how anxiety feels.
- It’s raining on you while the sun is shining on everyone else, and the worst part is that you have an umbrella, but it has holes in it.
- You’re drowning and so is everyone else, but they know how to swim, and you don’t.
- Your heart beats so fast that you’re sure it’s faster than the speed of light.
- That headache that slithers into your mind is so bad that all you want to do is lie under the covers and hibernate like bears do.
- You feel useless and you don’t understand what is the point of fighting or putting in the effort.
- You become as sweaty as an athlete that ran a marathon.
- You can’t focus or think or do anything that you’re supposed to.
- It’s like you have another something living in your head that’s very mean and rude.
- Even the smallest things like getting out of bed requires as much energy as you would need to break an atom.
- You’re blessed and you have everything, but you don’t understand why you feel this way and that makes you feel guilty which causes more anxiety. And thus, the cycle repeats.
- The worst part of having anxiety is you’re afraid to live. Even memories that are supposed to be cute and jolly turn into nightmares.
But Alhamdulillah, I much better now. Sometimes, I find myself drowning in the same waters, but I manage to pull myself through. It’s not easy especially when your mind becomes your biggest enemy. But that’s the thing, you can’t submit to those negative thoughts building in your mind no matter how strong they are. Remember you’re stronger. You’re bigger than all your fears.