Because ever since I was young, I saw the discrimination between genders. I hail from a culture that aches for boys and frowns upon girls. When a daughter is born the news is tightly sealed, as if it is something to be embarrassed of, and when a boy is born sweets are distributed and laughter’s of joy are heard.
“The world isn’t safe because you’re a girl,” I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard this phrase. But no one ever explained to me who exactly is the threat? Who am I not safe from?
If I do something wrong as a girl, I tarnish the family’s reputation, and if a boy does something wrong it’s a tarnish to someone else’s reputation. Why? Why this unfairness?
I don’t understand is being born a girl a bad thing. But I swear it wasn’t my choice- if it was, I wouldn’t have chosen this.
The culture I come from is toxic. It’s like poison being drilled into your brain. Women are responsible for all the house chores. Do the dishes, clean the floor, take care of the children- even if the husband is at home and is doing nothing all day. And if a woman does want to work, she has to balance both- that too if she’s allowed to.
“It’s the job of the daughter to take care of the house.” My friend cried to me once when her father told her this, because she didn’t understand why her brothers played video games all day while she was forced to work. There needs to be a balance. But people don’t understand this.
Instead of confining your daughters to the house. Give them swords and help them carve their own path. Let them slay their own dragons. Let them ride their own horse. Let them morph into what they desire. Stop telling them that they can do what ever they want after they get married. Because trust me they’ll be just as trapped in their husband’s house as they were in yours.
It’s the father’s job to make his daughter rise not be the reason for her fall. Make your daughter unbreakable so she can crush the sky and break unbreakable mountains.
A second cousin of mine threaten to marry another woman because his wife bore him daughters. I was disgusted by him, and I still am. Even the sight of him makes me angry. The mention of his name makes my blood boil. How can you say that when you’ve come out of a womb? He didn’t stop until he had a son. It’s like being a woman somehow degrades my credibility to possess talents.
A relative, who I believe is a psychopath, refuses to let his wife leave the house and on top of that he’s abusive. Yet he lives in another country and is married to a woman for her nationality. This is what I call hypocrisy.
Or the fact that I overheard one of my closest family members who was pregnant say, “but what if it’s a girl?” As if being a girl is contagious and it’s something so deeply to be ashamed of. These statements and questions were never directed to me but they made me question the validity of my own existence. Was I a mistake? We’re woman an evolutionary mutation? Did I really matter compared to those who had different chromosome compared to me? I’m not a feminist- Not at all. I have my own reasons. But please explain to that nine-year-old me, why I shouldn’t wish to be born as a boy.
Why is it that when a girl makes a decision for herself, she is made to feel guilty as if she committed a crime. Why does she have to seem so selfish? Why make her anxious under her own skin?
This is for all those desi parents. Do they not understand that by doing so they’re destroying their daughter’s future, her self-respect, her confidence? Why is it so hard for parents to say that they are proud of their daughters? Is it because they have a different pair of chromosomes? Or is it because the way they are made makes them impure. I don’t understand please explain!
As a daughter you can move mountains, make the earth crack, break down the sky, but it will all go to deaf ears because you aren’t the son. Because you just don’t have the freaking Y chromosome.
If you’re a father, never tell your daughter that doing the house work is her job or the fact that she came into this world to serve her husband and bare him children. Don’t ruin her for your own pride. Trust me these words sting and the cuts don’t form on the skin, they embed into the mind. They stick to the soul and they hurt. Never tell your daughter that she needs to stay home and suffocate. Tell her to be that astronaut she always wanted to be ever since she was a child or tell her to go be that engineer, she always craved to be. Tell her she is capable of anything she sets her mind to.
Let her grow. Give her enough sunshine to let her bloom but don’t burn her. Cast your shadow over her to protect her but don’t suffocate her. Let her roots dig deep into the ground so that when you’re not there nothing can pull her out. Hold her tight so she can bloom into a tree that she was destined to be and not the one you’ve wanted her to be. Give her space but make sure you’re there to catch her if she’s about to fall.
Don’t cut off her wings because you’re scared of the vultures up there. Or don’t hide her because of the monsters lingering outside. Instead teach her how to fly with such force and such speed that even the winds become fearful of her. Make her so strong that the storms start fearing her presence. Instead of telling her to fear the darkness, tell her to be the light.
Take her out for dinner. Go to the movies. Play baseball with her. Tell her she’s beautiful so she wouldn’t crave to hear these words from the lips of another man.
And if you have a daughter or a son, never compare them to each other. They will blossom when their time comes. They will choose their own paths, but guide them and have faith in them. If you try to carve a path for your child, you’ll destroy the beauty in them. They’ll become directionless and that is the worst thing anyone can ever do to anyone. Take away someone else’s purpose. Children aren’t sketch pads; you can’t just draw what you desire. You’ll ruin them. Let your children mold and mend into what they are capable of being. Understand that your children know what is good for them. Let them fall, let them burn, because only then will they rise and only then will they learn.
Teach your daughter that she does not need to be a son, to do something in life. That she is the fire you planted when she came out of a womb.
My post sounded aggressive. That wasn’t my intention or maybe it was. I don’t know what I was thinking while writing. Maybe it’s the anger in me. But I know one thing for sure, that I would raise my daughter to be a strong, loving, kind soul who does not bend to the cruelty of this world.