Why I wish I was born as a boy!

Because ever since I was young, I saw the discrimination between genders. I hail from a culture that aches for boys and frowns upon girls. When a daughter is born the news is tightly sealed, as if it is something to be embarrassed of, and when a boy is born sweets are distributed and laughter’s of joy are heard.

“The world isn’t safe because you’re a girl,” I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard this phrase. But no one ever explained to me who exactly is the threat? Who am I not safe from?

If I do something wrong as a girl, I tarnish the family’s reputation, and if a boy does something wrong it’s a tarnish to someone else’s reputation. Why? Why this unfairness?

I don’t understand is being born a girl a bad thing. But I swear it wasn’t my choice- if it was, I wouldn’t have chosen this.

The culture I come from is toxic. It’s like poison being drilled into your brain. Women are responsible for all the house chores. Do the dishes, clean the floor, take care of the children- even if the husband is at home and is doing nothing all day. And if a woman does want to work, she has to balance both- that too if she’s allowed to.

“It’s the job of the daughter to take care of the house.” My friend cried to me once when her father told her this, because she didn’t understand why her brothers played video games all day while she was forced to work. There needs to be a balance. But people don’t understand this.  

Instead of confining your daughters to the house. Give them swords and help them carve their own path. Let them slay their own dragons. Let them ride their own horse. Let them morph into what they desire. Stop telling them that they can do what ever they want after they get married. Because trust me they’ll be just as trapped in their husband’s house as they were in yours.

It’s the father’s job to make his daughter rise not be the reason for her fall. Make your daughter unbreakable so she can crush the sky and break unbreakable mountains.

A second cousin of mine threaten to marry another woman because his wife bore him daughters. I was disgusted by him, and I still am. Even the sight of him makes me angry. The mention of his name makes my blood boil. How can you say that when you’ve come out of a womb? He didn’t stop until he had a son.  It’s like being a woman somehow degrades my credibility to possess talents.

A relative, who I believe is a psychopath, refuses to let his wife leave the house and on top of that he’s abusive. Yet he lives in another country and is married to a woman for her nationality. This is what I call hypocrisy.

Or the fact that I overheard one of my closest family members who was pregnant say, “but what if it’s a girl?” As if being a girl is contagious and it’s something so deeply to be ashamed of. These statements and questions were never directed to me but they made me question the validity of my own existence. Was I a mistake? We’re woman an evolutionary mutation? Did I really matter compared to those who had different chromosome compared to me? I’m not a feminist- Not at all. I have my own reasons. But please explain to that nine-year-old me, why I shouldn’t wish to be born as a boy.

Why is it that when a girl makes a decision for herself, she is made to feel guilty as if she committed a crime. Why does she have to seem so selfish? Why make her anxious under her own skin?

This is for all those desi parents. Do they not understand that by doing so they’re destroying their daughter’s future, her self-respect, her confidence? Why is it so hard for parents to say that they are proud of their daughters? Is it because they have a different pair of chromosomes? Or is it because the way they are made makes them impure. I don’t understand please explain!

As a daughter you can move mountains, make the earth crack, break down the sky, but it will all go to deaf ears because you aren’t the son. Because you just don’t have the freaking Y chromosome.

If you’re a father, never tell your daughter that doing the house work is her job or the fact that she came into this world to serve her husband and bare him children. Don’t ruin her for your own pride. Trust me these words sting and the cuts don’t form on the skin, they embed into the mind. They stick to the soul and they hurt. Never tell your daughter that she needs to stay home and suffocate. Tell her to be that astronaut she always wanted to be ever since she was a child or tell her to go be that engineer, she always craved to be. Tell her she is capable of anything she sets her mind to.

Let her grow. Give her enough sunshine to let her bloom but don’t burn her. Cast your shadow over her to protect her but don’t suffocate her. Let her roots dig deep into the ground so that when you’re not there nothing can pull her out. Hold her tight so she can bloom into a tree that she was destined to be and not the one you’ve wanted her to be. Give her space but make sure you’re there to catch her if she’s about to fall.

Don’t cut off her wings because you’re scared of the vultures up there. Or don’t hide her because of the monsters lingering outside. Instead teach her how to fly with such force and such speed that even the winds become fearful of her. Make her so strong that the storms start fearing her presence. Instead of telling her to fear the darkness, tell her to be the light.

Take her out for dinner. Go to the movies. Play baseball with her. Tell her she’s beautiful so she wouldn’t crave to hear these words from the lips of another man.

And if you have a daughter or a son, never compare them to each other. They will blossom when their time comes. They will choose their own paths, but guide them and have faith in them. If you try to carve a path for your child, you’ll destroy the beauty in them. They’ll become directionless and that is the worst thing anyone can ever do to anyone. Take away someone else’s purpose. Children aren’t sketch pads; you can’t just draw what you desire. You’ll ruin them. Let your children mold and mend into what they are capable of being. Understand that your children know what is good for them. Let them fall, let them burn, because only then will they rise and only then will they learn.

Teach your daughter that she does not need to be a son, to do something in life. That she is the fire you planted when she came out of a womb.

My post sounded aggressive. That wasn’t my intention or maybe it was. I don’t know what I was thinking while writing. Maybe it’s the anger in me. But I know one thing for sure, that I would raise my daughter to be a strong, loving, kind soul who does not bend to the cruelty of this world.  

6 thoughts on “Why I wish I was born as a boy!

  1. I read this poist hearing a strong and powerful voice say these words, although it was me reading.

    While reading I thought, that I wanted to be a girl many times because I felt not really comfortable. And in reality I might actually be both a little. The thing is, that also a line I heard in the Netflix series ‘Anne with an “E”‘ came in mind. Something like: A girl can do anything a boy can do and more. Like you wrote, be an engineer, astronaut or dragon slayer. 😀
    And on top of that they can even give life to a child and often understand things, people and life from many more sides and ways, than many men ever get to know.
    About the parent part, I think it is often that the parents either don’t know that there could be a different way, because others expect it from them as well or “it always has been” the way it was.
    They might think it is okay this way, while it isn’t, but there are also different parents who fight for their children and let them grow, as you described and wish for it (the good ways).
    My mother for example told me that men are usually afraid of strong woman, since they want to be the strong one. And her oldest sister was very strong and didn’t get a man, in case she wanted one.

    My mother was also strong at first, but got push back down and such things from many people and her own family until she married (and stayed after several attempts to escape) my sick dad who can’t really do much useful things, but does a good job on controlling, manipulating and literally walking around my house and appearing on the scene whenever we want to just live a little.

    There are very strong pattern in this world which really have to be broken for good.
    I really like the part with the sword and that the image looked as if you were forming a sword with a firey blade. Good parents support their children or should support them and only if something might actually be very dangerous letting them know about it. For example that they shouldn’t trust (too) nice guys who buy a lot of roses and presents. 😀 Because this actually is a sign that someone might have a psychological problem. Not always, but usually. Because when someone always just buys presents or such things and doesn’t have much other things to do or care about, they don’t really love you or even can love you. Since my father is a good example for this, he bought flowers, chocolate and other things for my mother, especially when there was a fight. Then he apologizes himself, as if that would be possible and then expects her / us to forget about it and accept it. He just recently did that again actually. And as long as someone he knows, knows where we are, he will find us and doesn’t let us be. At least he is handable and I am bigger than him now and maybe stronger, but he is still scary, especially when he is angry.

    On my birthday I just stood there without a word (other than expected) and sudden moves. Just shaking his hand and thanking for his present I didn’t want and he knew I didn’t want. There was such a pressure or electricity in the air, that I felt as if I could get punch through the whole room, should I say one wrong word. My father never learned how to really love someone because his own parents didn’t really love him. It is kind of a sad story, but doesn’t help me, although we really often tried to help him in different ways.

    Culture, religion, society… these things broke most people in my family, relatives, friends etc.
    Be it boys or girls, while of course girls usually have it harder. It depends on the individual.
    I for example was willing to take care of the house when I was a child, cook and do laundry and such things. But usually my father either punished me for it or told me that I did something wrong until I didn’t do it anymore and got broken. I also had to often hear that watching TV and playing video games is from the devil and that I should do something better instead. Like what? Breath? He never had an idea of life, but expected me and my mother to do everything for him in one way, while he wanted to be the one in charge, to do the things which were easier (for him).

    After my parents married they got their house from his parents, which was previously out for rent. And my mother then took care of the wooden doors and other things to a point in which the people who lived in there before thought they got new ones. (She worked in this area for some time). The irony, my father was actually learned in such things, while she didn’t have a certificate, but probably was better at the job. To be fair, my father actually was more artistic talented I think, but since it was expected of him to be a man and do man things, he broke and struggled to fit in. Result: Everyone is broken.

    This wasn’t supposed to get this long, as usual 😅 and I don’t know what of these things you already knew about me and my experiences, but maybe it is good the way this comment is.
    And when I was feeling like myself, I never had a problem with a boy being more like a girl and a boy more like a girl or whatever might be there in between. I personally never really had anything to do with feminism or LGBTQ+ and such things. I just noticed them and thought, well if it helps, it is good. But I often personally just saw how a lot of weird laws were made or changed, a lot of noise was done somewhere, but nothing really changed in society. At worst even made people more negative towards change. For me personally, I think everyone should be free to feel, do and live as they want, as long as they don’t need to harm others for it, to feel good or something like that or because it seems to be the norm. And I mean when friends during a game accidentally hurt each other or such things, that is normal that is life, such things happen. It just shouldn’t be that they beat up people for fun or think it is funny or necessary or whatever.

    Thank you for reading, your strong words and your time!
    And it was good to put your anger into these words because you wrote powerful words! 💜💓

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  2. This is one of the most powerful posts I’ve ever read….no, not because it’s written by a woman….coz it’s written by a beautiful soul….that has a form of a woman….change is so much needed….the society & the culture needs to be kneaded….who created this….I guess a bunch of egotistic & ruthless men….a man won’t exist if a woman didn’t give birth to that man….soul is formless….love is universal….yet we connect the dots to make the short-circuit effect….even Earth is called Mother Earth….there’s a reason….Earth carries the world….woman carries the child & give birth….woman is “just” not mother though….she’s the power, the fire, the intensity, the ocean, the calmness, the universe….we live in this world, wearing the shades of imbalance, inequality, ego….I’ve never understood the concept of the so called society & culture….God….the energy did not create that….Men did & they choose to remain narrow minded & shallow….it’s a sad world….mad world…..you’re just not a woman, who, from the outside is angry & frustrated….you’re pure, powerful & beautiful energy from the inside….in the form, which is divine….you’re bringing awareness….that’s so much needed….just like this world needs a wonderful woman like yourself….keep expressing yourself from your core….be the light ✨

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  3. We here in the U.S. have just elected a minority woman to be our Vice President, and It is very possible that she will be the first minority female to be President. I am proud of this. I raised my daughters to be their true selves, both are very successful at what they do, one a psychiatric nurse and artist, the other was the first woman to serve on the board of a major US Corporation. I am proud of them. My sister raised her daughter the same way and she is a successful artist who sells her work internationally. My mother was raised to be a housewife and not afforded an education. Change IS possible. Press for it in your culture! It will happen. Thank you for your blog and congratulations on escaping the prison of blocked potential. Dr. Bob

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  4. I know this feeling very well! But things are changing slowly over here and now my dad considers daughters to be better than sons because they are available and actually care alot more for the family than a son does! And i’m proud i could change his ideas at least lol 🙈 this was quite a relatable post and i enjoyed every bit of it~ Thank you Aishati~ 🌸🙈💝

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