I want to hurt you.
Stab you in the back, but I can’t do that without piercing the sword through my own chest first. I can’t make you bleed without causing a rupture in my own heart. How can I hurt you when your wounds cause me pain? I want to bring storms, cause earthquakes but I’ll end up damaging myself more than you. But I’m okay with that. I’m okay with tearing myself apart just to see that tear cascade down your cheek. I’m okay with burning away my existence, just to see that frown tug at your lips. I’m okay with fading, at least I’ll take away a part of myself with you.
Do you ever cause destruction to yourself just because you want to cause damage to someone else? That’s one of the most toxic traits you can have. Where you’re willing to rip yourself open just so someone else could come and sew your wound for you. Just so you could that flinch of pain in someone else’s eyes.
We do that because we’re testing people. We’re testing their love. And the worst part is that they fail. But I don’t understand. What’s the point of testing someone else’s love when you’ve failed at loving yourself?