Knocking on closed doors

Knock on every door you can!

That’s exactly what I’ve been doing for the past two years, but every door I knock on either disappears or it turns to steel. I find myself pounding so hard on that steel door that my knuckles become bruised and my fingers start to bleed. Sometimes I even yell and scream and beg, hoping someone on the other end would help me, but no one ever does. I lose my voice, and sometimes my will in the process. But I don’t give up. I never give up.

I’ve lost count of how many doors I’ve knocked on, and I’ve become so desperate that I’ve knocked on doors that weren’t even mine. But they never open and sometimes the ones that are open, slam on my face and the path that was waiting for me just fades away. Like it refused to take me.

I’m running out of doors to knock on, and the worst part is that there are no windows. I’m trapped in this room and the air inside is becoming humid and the darkness is starting to settle in like it owns the place and there is nothing I can do.

Create your own doors.

I’ve tried, with hammers, rods and everything I could think of. I’ve used my own fingers to dig, but besides chipped nails and craggy skin, I haven’t gained much. I’ve tried everything I possibly could. From getting on my knees and begging, to creating earthquakes, but nothing I do makes a difference. It’s like success wasn’t meant for someone like me.

How much longer do I need to scream, yell, break and tear, for the doors to open, or for someone or something to open those doors for me.

People say when you want something the whole world comes together for you. But I disagree! When you want something from the depths of those veins and arteries lining through your body, the whole world conspires against you with all its might- like its challenging you to bow down.

You have to fight everything and everyone that comes in your way. Sometimes you have to fight your own self and the worst part is you don’t understand what’s more important: that part of yourself you’re destroying, or that unattainable dream you’re so desperate to chase.

I feel like that- like my options are running out. The door is stubborn, but so am I. If it refuses to move, then I refuse to give in!

Photo by GEORGE DESIPRIS from Pexels

11 thoughts on “Knocking on closed doors

  1. fall in love w your struggle, beautiful. for the journey might seem difficult, for oh it’s crooked, but oh in the end, it’ll lead to a destination oh so beautiful.
    smile, when you fail. smile, when you don’t make it. for it’s another opportunity, to work on yourself. to make yourself better. to succeed.
    stop looking for doors. keep working. it’ll come to you. what you seek is seeking you.

    with love

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t see a glimpse of my destination anywhere. Heck, I don’t even know where I’m going. But I guess you’re right I should stop looking for doors, and focus on the destination.

      Like

      1. you’re sweet, but naive. when starting a journey, just think and focus on your first step, and one day, as and when you’d progress, beautiful, you’d see it. you’d see yourself getting closer to your destination. and while on your way, you’ll fall, you’ll stumble, you’ll cry, you’ll smile, and oh that alone, would have made all the difference.
        fall in love w your struggle. embrace it, for this will lay the foundation,

        Liked by 1 person

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